Today is my Momma’s birthday.  I thought long and hard about what to get her, and as I went through pictures it came to me.  The woman is baby crazy!  So Mom, for your birthday, I’m going to give you your first “real” grandchild*.  Just give me nine months, I can make this happen.  Congrats, and I love you!!

*Just kidding.  How bout a fleece blanket?

There are things besides babies, weddings and houses that remind me every day that we are growing up.  I see our boys with thinning hair, girlfriends getting tiny wrinkles at the corners of their eyes, and we all get a little soft in the middle.  But what struck me hardest recently?  The number of boys that have given me their phone numbers by passing along their business card.

Most Random IM conversation:
Jen: he just asked for my phone number
Lindsey: thats awesome dude. Bring home a french boy, that would rock
Jen: i gave him my 800 work number
Lindsey: I guess that might work
Jen: lol, i’m not giving a stranger my phone number
Jen: even if he is french
Lindsey: why not? You’re no fun

Laugh of the Month:  Emily’s pirate rules during Asshole.  We’ve had some crazy Presidents before, but never a rule that made me so dizzy.

Best text messages received:
He is a great listener
Dude.  Never pass up a boy calling you gorgeous
Well you know where I’ll be if you need me
Wtf?  U  crazy gurl… U crazy!  And that’s my ebonix 4 tha day
You know you are in scottsdale when there is a starbucks in the hospital
That’s ducking scary dude.  Im gonna make you watch CMT
holy asap.  At least its Friday.  Remember chris and sandy will make it better

Strangest text messages I sent:
Not coming. Something wrong with me. Been asleep since five yesterday. Still can’t get up
Dude!  Oh tay
Well.  Me too.  We’ll party in spirit.  Just without the actual spirits
What the hell did you do with my camera last night

Best advice:
Jen: honey they are killing me
Jen: the are going to fucking kill me today
John: fight back

Good Stuff:  Babies in hats.

Crappy Stuff:  Panic attacks.  No explanation needed.

Most Blasphemous Conversation:
Jen: What should I give up for lent?
John: Reality TV.
Jen: Yeah right.  America’s Next Top Model starts today, are you crazy?
John: You asked.
Jen: Cause I can’t think of anything I’m willing to give up, I’m the worst Catholic ever.
John: Um… give up being designated driver.

Obsessions:  Firefly.  That show died too soon.

Birthdays?  Michael on St. Patrick’s Day.

Not proud of:  People who continue to call me Jennifer.  It’s just rude.

Some other things I was called this month:  Jenny, my dear, gal (He was Australian), girlfriend, babe, Cheyenne, Sharon, Sunshine, Smiley

Coolest unexpected day:  The Saturday the dry spell finally ended and it rained all day.  I’d expected to be stuck in the house, but we made a fun day out of it.

Weirdest night:  Bitching Stripper.  Enough said.

Music:  Phathom

Favorite Random Picture:  Proof that food has been prepared in my house.

Money shocker:  It says I only spent $8.27 on liquor.  That can’t be right.

Last year:  Wedding in Yuma, replacing the transmission in the truck, getting thrown out of a bar, and rug burn.

Two years ago:  Started planning the trip back to Phoenix.  Yikes that was scary.

Do anything this month I’d never done before?  Close proximity to chickens.  Seriously, never before and never again.  Too many birds.

Looking forward to:  Trying to remember my dreams for a month.  This should be interesting.  And Taking Back Sunday!!!

Not looking forward to:  My rescheduled doctors appointment, and a dentist appointment.

Hair Watch 2006 Status:  It’s been pretty well documented that I broke down and cut some hair this month.  The After:

And I didn’t do a thing to the back.  I was strong.  And it’s harder to reach.

Most awkward conversation:  About how many of my male friends I have kissed.  Yeah… half of my girlfriends I met because they started dating my male friends, so that was a little weird.

*New Category*  Graphs!:  Because I’m an Excel dork and it excites me.  This month’s graph is inspired by my most awkward conversation.

What we learn from this graph:  I send/receive way more text messages from boys then girls.  And over half of my total text messages are with boys I would totally make out with again.  Conclude what you will.

Well, since I have delved into the world of self styling I thought I would help everyone out with the process, jenallday style.

First, gather up the following supplies:
Scissors, or something sharp
Comb or brush, or fingers, whatever
Camera
Bottle of rum
Almost complete disregard for your personal appearance

Amount of time needed:  One week, and counting.

Day One:  Style hair as usual.  In a fit of typical girl angst, grab random hairs that could be bangs and cut off a few inches.  Immediately regret this decision.  No time to fix it because you of course did this ten minutes before you had to leave the house.  Scream a little, scare the neighbors.

Day Two:  Wear your sunglasses on top of your head all day, camouflaging the wispy bangs you have given yourself.

Day Three:  Wear headband to work.  Take sad looking picture in your dirty truck mirror of spiky bangs.

Day Four:  Wear many bobby pins.  Trim a tiny bit of hair. 

Day Five:  Wear hair incredibly messy to disguise bangs.  No one has said anything yet about hair disaster.  Decide these tiny bangs are not what you were after and begin research.  Find several pictures of your bangs looking decent.  Using these as a guide, cut more hair.

Pull hair into ponytail.  Pull out semi-random pieces of hair that seem like they will make bangs less wispy.

Smirk a little because you know you are being a tad bit insane.  Cut, again.  Do this on dry hair, because only people who know what they are doing are good enough to cut wet hair.

Decide to live with this arrangement for a few days before you trim them to length.

Day Six:  Wear hair so bangs actually show.  Lindsey screams when she sees them.  Call her a whore.  Start to think maybe shorter hair in the back would make the bangs look better.

Day Seven:  Now is the time to administer the rum.  Decide not to trim them to length.  Yes, they are too long and in no way even, but they will be back to normal faster if you leave them alone.  But the process of growing bangs out is not pretty.  Make no decisions.

Day Eight and on:  If you are still unsure about the outcome, or experience new symptoms (i.e. crying, refusing to leave the house) seek the assistance of a trained professional.  Unless you are lazy and hate getting your haircut, which is why you are in this mess in the first place.
 

Warnings and Precautions: Under no circumstances should you cut your own hair. Unless you are drunk, then do so and email the pictures to me.