Most Random IM conversation:
Between John and I where we used the word hump eight times in twenty minutes.  I don’t think I have to tell you none of it is fit to print.

Laugh of the Month:  A friend made this from a picture she took off my myspace page.  It was such a surprise, and so damn funny, I almost woke up the house with my laughing.

Best text messages received:
Won’t hit u on the ass with y door.  I’m not that type of whore.
I’m house sitting and the cat ate your mexico present.
So I have concluded a whole bottle of irish whisky will make u forget everything that bothers you.
That’s cause u got the name
:p I am simmered down
So I know y I have been all emo lately.  The stupid full moon
Me and Mike played a game, pick out each others clothes.  I lost.  I look like I was dressed by a blind, handicapped hooker

Strangest text messages I sent:
I see you.
I am too honey.  And I rarely admit that to myself.
Tonight was the first night in five years that YOU didn’t understand me.  If you don’t understand me no one ever will.
Pickle?  You are sooo on the list.  Ew.
I’m in a room with three strangers while my oil gets changed.  Three of us are making fun of the commercial to start your own alpacka farm.  The other one is reading her book aloud to herself.  This is a new hell.

Number of completely intoxicated “Why didn’t you take my phone away?” texts:
67.  Wow.

Do anything this month I’d never done before?  The women in our family spent a weekend morning getting pedicures.  It was awesome.

Strangest Email Exchange:  I sent myself the following email.

Exploding orgasms.

And I got an email for mutant dicks.

Well that’s exactly what I look for in a dick, that it be mutant in some way.

It took me a few minutes to get over the shock* and remember that it was from a phone conversation Lindsey and I had about the junk mail she’d received that day.  I had taken notes as we spoke because I intended to write about it someday.  I was very relieved when I realized that was why I had a dirty email from myself, and that it was not a perverted split personality taking over my email account.

*I should apologize to our mothers for their shock at having to know that their daughters had this conversation. 

Proud of:  Myself.  Not only did I quit caffeine, but I cut out over half of the cigarettes I smoke a day.  Even when a coworker dropped these off at my desk because he quit I locked them in a drawer until I could give them away.  (Okay, I tried a few but they are not my brand and tasted like dust.)

If I keep saying things like this someone will have me committed:
People should be forced to wear a sign that states their malfunction so that we can avoid the ones we don’t want to deal with. -  I said this to John last year, I’m surprised he hasn’t made my sign already.

Come Back that actually made someone laugh:
Until I start beating the children or sitting on the front porch in my underwear we won’t be as bad as them. - To my neighbor when he tried to compare our house to our new neighbors who are complete white trash.

Good Stuff:  Me and Emily saw two movies this month, Cars and The Lake House.  I hadn’t been to a movie in months!

Crappy Stuff:  Have I mentioned before that caffeine and I don’t get along?  At all?  I thought maybe my body was over it’s caffeine hatred and started having a soda now and then a few months ago.  The migraines and crankiness soon followed, so I cut out all caffeine, even chocolate.  So it was quite a shock to my system when some girl (who doesn’t quite like me, by the way) gave me a shot with Red Bull in it without telling me.  What followed was a pretty intense level of intoxication, especially considering I’d only had a few drinks.  Combine a wet dance floor and me drunk with flip flops on and what you get is a total wipe out.  We’re talking face down on the dance floor.  It’s a good thing I don’t get embarrassed.  I immediately stopped drinking and just tried to sober up.  That apparently failed since the first thing I did when I got home was fall off the wall in my front yard and scrape half the skin off my leg.  So, does anyone doubt that caffeine and I do not get along, or do we need to pull out pictures of the injuries and the fact that two weeks later I still have a limp?

I don’t remember doing this (Also, it appears caffeine makes me black out, lovely!) but it’s good to know I’m a lover when I’m super intoxicated.

Birthdays?  Kevin, and we celebrated exactly like he wanted with many, many sake bombers.

Brigette

Weirdest night:  Jenika, Mike and I spent hours lying in their bed watching movies while she recovered from surgery, and no, that’s not the weird part.  We plowed through two romantic comedies (Rumor Has It and Say Anything) and started in on the third, one that a student Mike had worked with recommended, Suicide Club.  It was in Japanese and I missed most of the subtitles because I had my hands over my face while I screamed in horror.  We never thought the title of the movie was actually going to be the plot line, but 50 school children jumping in front of a train in the first scene made it clear we were wrong.  So very wrong.  If all three of us hadn’t been intoxicated and in complete shock we should have turned it off and buried that DVD in a fire proof box, six feet deep, in a field many miles from here to contain it’s evil.

Favorite Random Picture:  This is the ultimate in random pictures.  Since I have been unable to take any pictures that aren’t complete crap I’ve just been handing off my camera to people to do the work for me.  This is courtesy of my five year old neighbor, Noah.

Money News:  My spending on cigarettes, liquor, and dining out all decreased.  This is excellent news because those are pretty much the only things I spend my “fun” money on.

Gratuitous Kid Pics:  Look who holds his own bottle now.  He also pulls himself up, walks along the edge of the couch and coffee table, and laughs at Zach.

This one can practically run now, loves to play on the spa steps, and wants me to pick her up whenever she gets home.

And the oldest runs, climbs, cuddles and talks all the time.  He’s asking questions constantly, and answering every question you ask him with “I don’t know.”

Last year:  A year ago was my first experience with combining liquor and caffeine.  Lindsey, Jeffy and I all chugged some Rum and Cokes before a set.  At a show that my ex-boyfriend who was in town visiting attended.  My ex who had only seen me drunk once before, and who is a complete non-drinker.  All I remember is many, many people coming over to whisper “You are in so much trouble” in my ear.

Two years ago:  On June 11th Kevin, Mom and Sarah flew into D.C. to have a mini-vacation and then to drag me back to Phoenix.  That was the start of a very chaotic eleven day road trip, not to mention an entirely new life, for me.

Any mileposts?  I can’t actually tell the story behind this one, except that it was a year and a half coming.

Obsessions:  I think we can call my playlists evidence of my obsessive nature.  Do you realize that I have listened to my two favorite AVA/TBS songs over two hundred times each?

Looking forward to:  Angels and Airwaves/Taking Back Sunday concert.  Did you actually expect a different answer?

Music:  I’ve only let two new songs creep in.  Tyler Hilton’s cover of “Missing You” doesn’t technically beat Tina’s version, but I just don’t like listening to female singers.  So it’s surprising that the female backing vocals on the Sufjan Stevens song “For the Widows in Paradise, For the Fatherless in Ypsilanti” are a big reason of why I love it.  Hey, I never said I made sense.

Song Lyric of the Month:
I hear your name in certain circles
And it always makes me smile
Missing You

Best Show:  Hands down the Digital Summer show at the Marquee Theatre.  I’ve never been more proud of him.

Not looking forward to:  The heat.

Hair Watch 2006 Status:  I need a trim desperately.  But I know that if I go in alone I’ll have it all shaved off.  I actually inhaled a chunk of my hair one night, and fishing it out of my throat was the best evidence for short boy cuts I’ve seen yet.

Graph:  To be honest the original intent of keeping track of my drinks was to show some people (Hi Mom!) that I don’t drink too much.  Unfortunately June was the worst month to try and prove this point.  We celebrated a lot in June, and with that came celebratory drinks.  I won’t be revealing the actual values that I pulled this graph from.  Maybe in August I’ll try again.

Click through to flickr if it’s too tiny to read.  I don’t work magic here.