Best text messages received:
Answer me or I’ll slash ur tires*
Look behind you*
I’ll find a pretty rock
Friends are like butt cheeks… shit separates them but they always come back together!!!
You are not a circus freak!
U fired yet
Why would u do that
How is the beast*
Do you think you will have any spare space in your trash can tomorrow*
Llama llama cheesecake llama
No sorry him and bathrooms are like you and floors.
Strangest text messages I sent:
Guess what a boy gave me tonight? That’s right! His business card.
She asked how you were doing and if you have been behaving yourself… ha ha ha. If she only knew*
So I’ve been having intestinal issues for the last hour. Either my mother poisoned me for the first time in twenty five years of I’m freaking out about Friday.*
Kevin just said I have to be your date. Good thing you’re cute.
Here’s how fast I cycle thru guys. Met cute boy tonight. Glasses, tie. Didn’t open door for me. Ew
Sweet. I’ll bribe him with it to come live with me. I may have to change his name to chuck though.
Oh my god they are so catty I love it!
And I like trees and shit if you want to take some for me, ha ha
I have no idea what you’re talking about crazy lady*
I just yelled ‘put your lipstick away!’ at the cat. I blame you guys
*Is it me or do many of the text messages this month have a violent/mafia/criminal vibe to them?
Conversations that can only occur through text messages:
–I am in some serious pain.
-Does it hurt that bad? Be a man walk it off Dude.
-I can barely walk.
-I’m in your hood. It’s stormy as shit
-I’m in urs it’s the same way
Grandma, Lynda, Sarah
Emily (And Lucy! The dog envy is fierce.)
Ya’ll knew all along I was losing it and didn’t say anything? In a complete indignant rage I told many people the ridiculous and shocking news of my boss telling me the company was going to pay for me to go to therapy. Even more shocking was the number of people who agreed with their assessment but apparently didn’t have the balls to ever say so before.
Crappy Stuff: Well, the dawn of July ’06 found me crawling out of bed and not remembering why everything hurt. Isn’t it wonderful that I learned caffeine mixed with even moderate amounts of alcohol makes me black out? So I limped my way through this month, cursing every step. My back finally had enough of the limping and checked out on the last day of the month. I’ve never felt such blinding pain or heard my joints make such a noise.
Good Stuff: I can’t even begin to describe how awesome my trip to Flagstaff was. That’s why I never tried. Start to finish it was a fun, relaxing, perfect experience. Um, except for that whole climbing stairs and doing the most ambitious pub crawl of my life while bruised and bleeding after the falls. Yeah, that part sucked, but the rest was so good that I (almost) forget all about it.
God I love driving alone.
One of my favorite views.
I also had a kick ass loaner dog for two weeks. I want a dog so badly, but Killer wouldn’t allow it.
Woody is a good boy. And he listens! Except when he’s sticking his head up my skirt! Definitely a boy!
Do anything this month I’d never done before? I was convinced, despite being nearly crippled, to dance on top of a bar at San Felipe’s in Flagstaff. Tequila had a little to do with the convincing I’m sure.
How many tasks are overdue? Um, all of them? I really didn’t do anything this month, including see my bedroom floor through the piles of bills, clothes, and who knows what else is down there.
Oh boy, was I wrong!!!
Text message I sent – “That gives me more time to get the squatters out of your place, but you’ll miss my lovely meal. I can almost guarantee this one will be edible.” Needless to say the meal went awry, as all my cooking endeavors tend to.
Any mileposts? This is the time that I was supposed to be moving back from Virginia.
Favorite Random Picture: When I captured an awesome picture of John, AKA Fish, smiling while he held my niece Tatum he immediately told me I was forbidden to post it anywhere near our myspace pages.
John: No way you’ll ruin my rep
Jen: Your rep is what? Fish eats babies alive?
As it turns out, Tate eats fish alive. Take that!
Coolest unexpected night: Dinner with a pair of girls that can read me so well they had sniffed out and gotten me to admit to a secret before I’d even finished my first drink. The conversation was heated from that point all the way through the steak dinner. Topics covered included circumcision, love, kids, and ended in a new mantra for me. “I am open.” Love ya girls, but it’s not that easy.
Weirdest night: Seeing the boys play at the Monastery. It was almost a normal evening, boys, drinks, more drinks at the house, watching the sunrise. Just add in a handful of strangers, a rousing game of Points, me handing out pieces of ass, and the fact that it was about a hundred degrees. It was a weird night.
Melting. All of us, melting.
Boys find a cure to the melting, Shot gunning beers. I just jumped in the pool until four in the morning.
Laugh of the Month: This text message: “How should I get my hair cut?”
And we saw the preview showing of Little Miss Sunshine. The funniest movie I have ever seen in a theater. I was coughing by the end of it I was laughing so hard.
Song of the Month: Divine Intervention – Taking Back Sunday. I held off tears for the entire concert, despite being in a horrendous mood, and predisposed to crying at concerts. I was almost through the night without horrifying Lindsey with my live music emotions but Adam, alone, with an acoustic guitar and harmonica? I can’t fight that!
Best Show: Angels and Airwaves and Taking Back Sunday, obviously. And here’s where I promise not to talk about these bands for a while. Seriously.
Music: I listened to the Stay On My Side Tonight EP from Jimmy Eat World on the drive home from Flagstaff. Every minute spent listening to that band is awesome, but while flying 75 down an empty highway, lightening overhead and fireworks in the distance? I couldn’t help but fall in love with them all over again.
Song Lyric of the Month:
Remember me, she said smiling
Write my name somewhere safe
Closer – Jimmy Eat World
Gratuitous Kid Pics: It amazes me how much Jackson looks like both of his parents.
Where most of my money went: Plane ticket to Virginia. *Gulp*
Saddest Day: July 17th and 22nd.
Looking forward to: Getting Jeff home. Time off work and seeing new states.
Not looking forward to: The two take offs and landings it’s going to take to get Jeff home. Ohmygod I hate flying.
Violent Much? As we were sitting on the porch one Anti Biddy night this month I watched as Zach swung the broom handle just past Jorden’s head. Meanwhile Tatum climbs over him into the house where she begins hurling toys out the open patio door, and Jorden is, of course, directly in the line of fire. It’s rough being the youngest.
Most awkward conversation: Every conversation this month about my dating life. Who, what, when, why. I don’t write about it because I don’t think about it, so I probably don’t want to talk about it.
Quotes of the Month:
“You write in like the eighth person.” – JoAnn
“I love you.”
Hair Watch 2006 Status: It’s big.
And seeing that John has cut his hair twice since we started this hair growing pact, I’m free and clear to hack this all off. Except I promised myself I’d go until the end of this year, forgetting that a year would include months of summer and a monsoon season full of humidity.
Graph: So, I started another website this month. Which is funny because the amount that I write here has been decreasing. I started to wonder if it was because I was posting inane things over on the myspace blog. Did myspace steal my muse? In an attempt to get numbers to tell me what my problem is (Wouldn’t that be nice?) I graphed it.
Turns out that the increase in myspace blather does correlate with the decrease in actual writing here. But overall I am writing less, and I don’t know why. This is a strange thing I’ve been struggling with lately, and the numbers didn’t answer the question, they only proved I’m not imagining the problem.