Alright my dears, it’s Day Two and I have nothing to say to you.  I’ve been in this spot once before, in my house alone all day long and realizing I’ve run out of things to say.  I’m falling into that trap where I trick myself into believing I don’t know how to talk to people, and that I don’t want to.  I find myself not wanting to call friends I haven’t talked to recently, and only speaking to the core group that won’t let me disappear.  But I know where that track leads, so I don’t let myself bury the phone whenever it rings, and I try to keep in contact with the outside world.

It blew up a little tonight when my best friend sent a stranger to my house!  The nerve.  I had to go through some preparations when I thought it was just John that was showing up.  The basics, ya know, bathing, staging the house to not look like I’m locked in here all day, actually eating something so I’m not too jittery.  Then he calls at the last minute because he is running late to work, so his band mate is going to stop by instead.

“Um, no.   No no no. NO.  No strangers.”
“He’s not a stranger Jen, you’ve met him.  You know his name.”
“No.  Can’t do it.  I’ve barely met him.”
“I have to go to work, he is going to call you in few minutes.  And you like his teeth.”

Yeah, now I have to talk on the phone to a stranger?  And he just had to remind me about the teeth, and the fact that I’m pretty sure he’s told this kid that I have a very strange adoration for his teeth.  (What, they’re nice.  I don’t even notice teeth normally.)  I was sure this was not going to go well.  Something about being alone 90% of the time has a way of convincing me that I have no social skills.  So, being that I was a bit worried about scaring this kid I called Lindsey and started screaming.  She was the reason I needed a band member to come by the house, after all, I was just expecting the band member that I KNEW!

Lucky for me, and the kid with the teeth, Lindsey was available to come and wait with me.  He was very polite and not scary at all, not that I expected any differently.  I don’t know why I get so worked up about these situations, I don’t have problems handling strangers on a normal basis.  I’m just loosing a grip on my own head.  Nothing is normal right now.