Tonight we went out to Hooters. I’ve never been before because the only way to get me to a place that’s main draw is the semi-naked servers is because of live music. My best friend’s band played an acoustic set for a local radio station’s charity event. As they played their awesome set more and more of our friends showed up. The group ended up sitting down at a table so I could try this “awesome” food you hear so much about. (Verdict: Bleh.) To think, I could have sat on my couch and listened to the whole set on the radio… Actually I couldn’t, some where in the best friend contract it states “Thou shalt go to all shows” and he’s one of the few who didn’t shove a bee in my bonnet as the evening progressed.
It was hard to get a grasp on the night, being in a place that freaks me out, hundreds of people milling around, lots of sports and several friends. We talked a lot, some people way too much. I’ve heard enough talk about my own hooters to last a lifetime, including seemingly well thought out reasons on why I shouldn’t have them reduced. I didn’t know other people had such strong opinions about my body parts. If this wasn’t Arizona, and therefore 80 degrees tonight, I would have slapped a hoodie right over the conservative shirt I had on. A bit much to be discussing over dinner, ya think?
We sat at the table, in the most stimulating atmosphere I have been in for the last two months, and we talked for hours. It was more fun then I expected, considering the location and strange mix of people. As the group dwindled talk turned to why people just can’t get along. We fought the fight we’ve been fighting for two months and both stated our cases. These two people in my life may have only been fighting this particular fight for a few months, but I have been involved in these types of friendship/relationship mini-dramas for as a long as I can remember. I have become the “go to girl” for when you want to bitch about someone in our circle.
It became apparent that some how, in all the relationships that have fallen apart, grown apart, or just plain blown the fuck up around me in the last ten years, I am the one that’s left standing. I’m the one that knows both sides, can make a case for both sides, yet some how manages not get taken down when someone else’s friendship implodes. I get to keep all the friends who don’t talk to each other any more, who’ve separated from each other for whatever reason. I’m like a walking scrapbook of everyone’s past friendships. They know about the other only because I manage to maintain contact with both parties, regardless of who caused the falling out between the two. Inevitably they end up crashing together when they show up to be with me.
Not only do I seem to constantly be in charge of getting people together, of having my friends around me, of setting up nights out where most of the people are there because I asked them to be, but some how I’m in charge of managing the ones that have fallen apart too? I get to worry about how she is going to feel when this one shows up unannounced, and how the other two are going to work this out before they destroy us over a head gasket. This is getting to be exhausting.
I’m tired of being the glue. I’m not sure how I ended up here, being the one that everyone trusts. I know, what kind of Class A bitch do I sound like even complaining about this? I guess you could say that I “volunteer” to be this person, but why would I ever do that? It’s hard to maintain the calm, but I know if I don’t no one else will. I just don’t understand why I’m the one that everyone goes to when they need to talk. I don’t go to anyone to talk about serious issues because I don’t trust anyone. Realizing tonight that I’m that person in all of these groups just threw me, don’t they realize how I am?
