Dear AARP,

Thank you for your recent letter, but allow me to clarify a few things.

I know that I take more pills then your Grandma.  I know that I complain when it rains because it makes my hips hurt.  Some times I walk with a limp, yes.  I’m can certainly be described as crotchety at times.  I probably should even be on some sort of Ensure protein shake therapy.

However, I am only 25, and would greatly appreciate it if you would stop mailing me applications so close to my birthday.  I already promised that I wouldn’t cry, and you are making this more difficult then it has to be.

Sincerely,
Jen, who doesn’t even have grey hair yet.