Text Sent:  I’m the hobo in the south corner of the restaurant filling up on chips.

Hysterical Call Received:  You can’t tell me directions.  I DON’T KNOW DIRECTIONS!

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Swamp Ass is still feverishly in love with his wheel.  I’ve learned my lesson, never take his wheel away because the next week will be spent wondering what the hell that noise is.

My Mom this morning:  “I woke up at 2 a.m. wondering who the hell was sharpening pencils?”