RP:  It was really hard for me to get over you.  Maybe I haven’t completely let the idea of what our future could be go yet.  But our present is not working for me.  You know me too well to treat me like you did.  You are far too old to be playing these games.  I’m too old for games.  As angry as I am about the last seven months I still can’t get you out of my head.  I can still feel the jump my stomach did the first time you really looked me in the eyes.  That day I saw in your eyes exactly what is so deep inside of me.  Where did that boy go?

Reggie:  I’m not exactly sure how we ended up here.  Have we not been down this exact road before?  We’ve passed this mile marker, I know that.  Why are we back here?  Is there more to us, or is this just convenience?  To be honest I don’t know the answer to that myself.  I feel like there could be more, but I also know that we don’t have the guts to explore.  We can’t be honest with ourselves, which is amusing to me because my favorite thing about you is how at ease I feel when I’m with you.  I put up with everything, I ignore what bothers me, because of how relaxed you make me, and your ability to make me laugh.  But if what you did bothers me on another level maybe I can’t have anything with you.

X:  Oh, I get it.  You got a wife and a child and the future we had planned.  The day we both ended it my future dissolved before my eyes.  It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to come to grips with, the complete loss of my path in life.  And here I am again.  You get a wife and a baby and I get a stroke and infertility.  The new future I imagined for myself is now vanishing.  Is this why you’ve made an appearance in my dreams?  I don’t care how many times you ask, I’m NEVER going back there again.  Living through my life crashing down made me the person I am today.  A person that I am proud of, most of the time.  It made me a stronger person.  As soon as I come around to remembering all that then I can believe that I will get through this.

U:  Do you exist?  Is there anyone strong enough, determined enough, to put up with me?  Some where under the crazy and the health problems there is a person that I’m struggling to get back to.  What’s the point if there’s no one who can deal with me at my worst?  If you can’t handle me at my worst you don’t deserve me at my best.  And some day?  My best is going to win this struggle.  I believe in that about as much as I believe in you.

Seriously.

Originally uploaded by Erin!

Some day I’m going to have this printed and hung in my office.

I’ve been saying that exact thing to myself for months now.