I’m going to admit up front that a majority of my posts will be photos.  But at least I’m starting up again!  And starting it off right with some fresh baby. Newest niece, Luna Gabrielle, on her birthday, October 24th, 2011.

I love that I can hold a red trashcan over my head and across ikea he will yell “Whip It!”

I write about how happy he makes me. He writes about how sad she makes him. Does that cancel it out?

We’d parked the car just off Haight and Ashbury to do some wandering and are going through our preparations.  I’m cramming my feet back into shoes and adding layers of clothing, boo, and he’s loading up on gadgets and photo nerd gear.

“Can you hold this for a sec?”

Without hesitation I put my hand out and then look up just in time to see him milliseconds away from setting a snail oh so delicately into my palm.

Made us both laugh.

I’ve got people who see straight through me.  I was starting to think that my robot armor needed work.  Turns out I’ve just got good people.  People who see my flaws, point them out, and then we laugh about them.  People who get to see the wicked inner workings because I let them, and they don’t run.  People who tell me that sarcasm is awesome, that I’m not “bitching,” I’m “talking,”  and that think it’s endlessly amusing when I lose my temper and stomp around because they know it’s going to end with a snort.  People that fill every box of my calendar with laughter, love and liquor, who feed me when they know I’m too busy to take care of myself, and who don’t shut down when the robot goes offline.

Who ever would have thought I could look at so many people and say “You are my person.”

I think there are only two reasons to write:  To work out shit in your head or to document.  I used to do both.  I currently do neither.

Working out your head space seems a terrifying, daunting task when most of what’s in your head space is painful and sad.  I used to be able to keep the lid on the box but lately I feel like it’s overflowing and I have no control.

There is no documentation of the last few years of my life.  There are scatters of pictures here and there, saved emails and text messages, facebook status updates that are mostly in code and have been ruthlessly edited.

I’m trying so hard to forget everything that has gone wrong.  Believing that some day I’ll wake up and not be astounded that things could turn out this way.  Waiting for the day that it doesn’t seem novel that there are still people that exist that want nothing but the best from you when the people that you loved want only the worst.

I was reminded of this website and spent a few hours cruising around only to realize that I have felt this way before.  Why does it seem so insurmountable this time?  If history repeats itself shouldn’t it be easier to file it away each time?

When does getting hurt get easier?

That’s all I’m at liberty to say about *that* situation.

how to blog by tony pierce

Yes, absolutely, and fuck yeah I agree.

Except that post every day part.  I can’t even manage to eat or shower every day.

I talk to my friend Mikey via Skype every few weeks.  We always start the conversation the same way, “HI!  What have you been doing?!”  Despite the fact that I talk to him more then some of my in-town friends something about the distance, he’s in Kazakhstan, means he gets away with that question.  I always answer the question the same way, “Same old, work, study, drink, sleep.  Repeat.”  Even when I remind myself that next time I will say something different it always comes out the same.  Work.  Study.  Drink.  Sleep.  I suppose that I could add in I also eat a large quantity of wings and develop crushes on many inappropriate boys, but that’s just the spice of life.  You take that out and I’m still happy with what’s left.  There’s nothing about that rut that makes me worry.  I could sleep more and drink less, but that wouldn’t be any fun.  I could study more, and work less, but then I couldn’t afford any fun.  I seem to have reached some sort of rut-sweet-spot where until I’ve heard it fly out of my own mouth repeatedly I don’t realize I’m in it.

I like it.   A++ Would recommend.

1 – THE List is sadly out of date and needs a refresher.  But I already sleep 6 hours a night and my couch is feeling neglected so we’ll see when that occurs.  So much has been crossed off and so many more adventures have been dreamed up.  The fact that I have no memory of writing that last post is evidence of why I have to keep a list on the internet to keep my life moving forward.

2 – A friend reminded me today that NaBloPoMo is around the corner.  (For us November is around the corner because we are currently booking activities deep into October due to busy schedules.)  I shall be setting myself up to fail for the 4th year in a row!  Where’s the prize for that?!  The NaBloPoMo badge from last year is still up, THAT’S how on top of this I am.

3 – The syllabus for my Anthropology class has made it clear that quality writing in the form of essays will be expected.  I can’t even write on my own website about my own life!  Facebook status updates and Twitter have combined to pump my ADD to the max and make anything longer then 2 sentences feel like drudgery.  Yes, I went back to school.  Because clearly sleeping 6 hours a night and never having time to clean the bathroom demands more activities!